Fatherhood

I mentioned in my previous blog post that I got to meet a young man named Jesse, he's 13 years old and we hit it off instantly. I've always felt that I got along with kids and young people but I've never bonded with someone so quickly. I've been a "Big Brother" of America and I never bonded with my "little brothers" like I did with Jesse.

As many of you know, if you read my blog posts, that I have kind of given up on being a father myself and to enjoy being an uncle (which I love). But this kid stirred up emotions and feelings that I have pushed deep down for many years.. I want to be a Dad, I was born to be a Dad, I need to be a Dad. Spending time with Jesse and our interaction made me realize what I am missing in my life. It's not a partner, it's a child of my own. I need someone to love and care for. To pass on my experiences and knowledge and help mold them into a great human being.

I'm not going into great details as it's Jesse's personal information but we got to talking about family and he doesn't have the best family life or support system. After only a few hours of hanging out I told him that I'd like to be his big brother and be that stability that he lacks in his life. Towards the end of the day he mentioned that he wanted to come live with me and there was talk of adoption. I have to be honest if it was that easy I would have done it right then and there.  Jesse is a great young man and I'd be very proud to call him my son. But of course life isn't that easy, so for now we exchanged numbers and plan on hanging out from time to time. I just want him to know that he is loved and appreciated, and what an incredible person he is. I will give him as much love and support that is needed... who know what the futures holds.

But he did open my eyes to adopting, I've always wanted a biological child but I knew being gay would make things more difficult. I've always been open to adoption. What Jesse did was open my eyes to adopting a child/teenager and not a baby. Not only that but the fact that I can be a single parent. I don't have to wait for a partner I have it in me to be both parents.

For many years now I have wanted to adopt older kids, 16 and 17 year old's because when they hit 18 they are kicked out of the system. Those that don't have a home have a very bleak future. I want to adopt those older kids so they have a place to call home, a place they can always return to. Everyone deserves to have that feeling of belonging and to be loved.

So I have determined that I'm going to take the next year to really get my life in order, to find a stable job (even if it's not in the entertainment industry), to sell this house and to reorganize and maybe even sell some of my "things" (yes I'm talking about my toy collection). I've been heading down this road at a much slower rate but meeting Jesse has sparked that love of being a dad, it's motivated me to move things along at a faster pace. I know it's going to be tough but I really want this.. I think this is the next stage of my life... FATHERHOOD