Life is Strange

So I've been out of work now for almost 3 months. It was a conscious choice to take at least 2 to 3 months off after all the stress I had endured on my last gig. During this time I had planned to really reassess my life, to find a new direction, a new focus. It's a process trying to understand where my life is going next.. but I think I'm slowly figuring it out.

I'm single after eight years, I'm older and I think a bit wiser about life. I'm finally happy with "who" I am as a person and a human being, could I make improvement.. of course, but it took me years be okay with the way I look, being short, the way I talk, going bald, realizing that I'm never going to be "thin" and the big one (at least for me) being a gay man. Now that I'm in my 40's I realized that half of my life is over and what do I have to show for it. Now I'm not saying that I didn't have a great first 40 years, I did. But I feel like I haven't lived my life to it's fullest. I've gotten better over the years but I still don't think I've accomplished that goal.

I've come to find out that it really takes a lot of effort to enjoy ones life. To not be depressed, worried or consistently thinking about the things you don't have and to really look at the things you do and appreciate each and everyone of them. You can't focus on work and money as a means to an end. Yes work and money help you obtain those things that you want but it's not the driving force that propels you through life. What propels you are family and friends and the memories you make together. Because without love, companionship and friendship what's the point of living on this planet.

My goal for 2012 is to live in the now, to appreciate all that I have now. Don't worry about the future because honestly today might be my last day on this Earth. A question I like to ask myself is "If I died today would I die a Happy man".. if the answer is not 100% yes then I'm not living my life properly, or at least the way I want to live it. It will take effort to stay in this frame of mind and I'm sure I'll fall back into a funk here and there but from here on out I'm going to try and live my life to it's fullest so when that day comes and I'm no longer here, I will know that I died a happy man.