Saturday, August 13, 2011

Saying Goodbye

Well the day has finally come. Though Harry and I have been broken up since February we still lived together, ate together and pretty much did everything we did when we were a couple. But today is the day Harry heads back to Austria.

This morning Harry ran around a few hours finishing up things and making sure he had everything before we left for the airport. Harry's flight was at 4:30pm but we needed to be there 3 hours in advance so we got there around 1pm and after going into the wrong terminal we finally found the correct terminal and got in line as the ticket windows were still closed.

Since Harry was here illegally for eight years we weren't sure how easy it was going to be for him to leave without immigration getting involved. Well the ticket windows opened and we walked up and he gave them his temporary passport and print out ticket. A few minutes later we took his bags to the X-ray scanners and walked to the entrance to the TSA check.

We said our goodbyes.. I thought I would cry but I didn't. I did cry a bit when we were getting ready to leave for the airport but I kept stopping myself. But now that we were saying goodbye.. no tears. I knew it would only be temporary. We didn't really say much to each other. I gave him a hug, said we had a great 8 years and he entered the line to go through the TSA.

I walked back to car and manage to get on the freeway before the tears started rolling. But I couldn't breakdown while driving on the freeway so I held it in. I got a text from Harry about a half hour later informing me that he got through TSA with no issues and it now waiting to get on the plane. I stopped by El Pollo Loco for some comfort food and made my way home. Soon as I got on the dirt road to our house the waterworks started to flow.

I made it home and greeted Daisy who kept looking for Harry. As I started to eat I looked over at Harry's recliner and it hit me that Harry was not coming back, he's not out at the store and will return in an hour. He's never coming back. As I looked around there are so many things in this house that remind me of him. This was our house, we purchased this together, we painted every room, we purchased every piece of furniture. I couldn't stop myself and I just balled. I cried uncontrollably like I had never cried before. My heart was hurting as the realization of my situation hit me like a brick wall.

Poor Daisy had no idea what was going on, I lost my appetite and just felt numb. The crying continued on an off for hours, but I'm feeling a bit better. It's funny I know we are broken up and it's for the better. Both Harry and I agree that our situation was not good. But being with someone for eight years and seeing them day in and day out, regardless on being partners or not I love him and will always love him. 

I have had so many facebook comments, tweets and texts of love and support and I appreciate it but for this weekend I just want to be alone. I don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone. I just need time to recover from this I know it will take more then a weekend to get over it but I'm taking babies steps and putting one foot in front of the other. I promise I'll be back to my happy go lucky Kenny but for now I just need to cry.


  1. 8 yrs is quite a long time and i know this won't be easy for you. it truly hurts my heart to hear you so sad. i will think of you often through this time and wish four smile to return.Rhonda

  2. Sometimes you just gotta let the emotions roll and hole up for a bit for some quality self indulgent alone time. It's definitely part of the healing process.

  3. You're doing everything you should be doing Kenny. They're called difficult and trying times for a reason. Just know that you will be able to move on. You will feel good again and there are lots of friends to help you out along the way.

  4. Hey bud, I can't imagine how that feels. I had a tough time with my divorce, and we were only married for 5 years. All I can say is that your friends are here, waiting for you if you need any help...