Sunday, August 14, 2011
The Day After
I've come to realize why Harry's leaving hit me so hard and unexpectedly. I came out of the closet when I was 27 about to turn 28. Before that I had never been in a relationship and once I was out, from age 28 to 32 I only dated six guys and the longest relationship I had was six months. Then I meet Harry and he was the one, he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Well eight years later (and because of our government and other circumstances) our relationship ended. This was my first "real" break up, my first "real" broken heart. I'm 40 years old and I guess I've been lucky but I've never been this close to anyone in my entire life and then to have them be gone. No amount of preparation could prepare you for that. I have been fortunate and I've never lost (death) someone I was extremely close with. So I have never had to deal with this feeling of "never seeing that person again". Now of course Harry's isn't dead and I can still talk, text or skype with him. But since he's in Europe and I can't just go hang out with him, and I feel that same feeling of lose.
I'm happy to say that I am doing okay, not better, but okay. I don't think I cried the entire day. My heart hurts like I never thought it could, but I know this pain will go away in time and I'll learn to cope with the lose and move on. Right now I'm taking it a day at a time.