Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Am I Broken??

So it's been almost two years since Harry and I broke up and a year and a half since Harry moved back to Austria, officially ending our 8 1/2 year relationship. Months after the break up I wanted nothing to do with a new relationship, but that's to be expected. But the past few months I have been extremely lonely but even so I'm still not finding the motivation to get out there and look for someone new. I mean I'm not one for going to bars and picking up people. I don't do one night stands. I tend to do the online dating but it's been over nine years since I did that last. Lot's has changed including me. I mean I'm now in my 40's, have less hair on the top of my head and gained 40 pounds. I may feel young at heart but the outside doesn't match the inside. Looking back at older pictures I think to myself, wow I was pretty cute (at the time I didn't think so) but looking at me now I just see a short, balding, overweight geek. Yes I may have a great personality but unfortunately if the outside package isn't attractive they will never find that out.

I feel broken, like something just is a little off with me. Maybe I'm liking the single life. Maybe I'm afraid of falling in love and having my heart broken again. I don't know what the problem is but I'm just not feeling motivated to get back out there. I have filled out a few profiles on a few dating sites but not getting much traffic. I'm not actively looking for love.. I just want it to fall from the sky and into my arms.. is that to much to ask for.


  1. Really sorry to hear that Kenny. I know that I often feel the same way myself as at 32 I have never been on a date before and to be honest given my personality and issues there really aren't any prospects for that I can see. So I've decided to just try to develop as many good friendships as I can. I wish I knew of something I could say that would make you feel better but sadly that's not the way it works. Hopefully with this new job it will at least take your mind off of it. Hope things work out well for you :)

  2. Chin up, Kenny. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find that one person I'd want to spend my life with. I've been through a couple of long term relationships. I know I've gone through periods where I feel I've been fixated on finding someone but then you have to come to the realization that you really can't afford to spend all that time like that. Your time is valuable. Spend it with friends, catching up on projects, etc. Eventually, someone will come along. And for what it's worth, I've been single for some time now. I was kinda dating someone but I don't think it was going to amount to much and communication was lacking. Maybe I'll tell you about it this summer at SDCC. :)