So it's been almost two years since Harry and I broke up and a year and a half since Harry moved back to Austria, officially ending our 8 1/2 year relationship. Months after the break up I wanted nothing to do with a new relationship, but that's to be expected. But the past few months I have been extremely lonely but even so I'm still not finding the motivation to get out there and look for someone new. I mean I'm not one for going to bars and picking up people. I don't do one night stands. I tend to do the online dating but it's been over nine years since I did that last. Lot's has changed including me. I mean I'm now in my 40's, have less hair on the top of my head and gained 40 pounds. I may feel young at heart but the outside doesn't match the inside. Looking back at older pictures I think to myself, wow I was pretty cute (at the time I didn't think so) but looking at me now I just see a short, balding, overweight geek. Yes I may have a great personality but unfortunately if the outside package isn't attractive they will never find that out.
I feel broken, like something just is a little off with me. Maybe I'm liking the single life. Maybe I'm afraid of falling in love and having my heart broken again. I don't know what the problem is but I'm just not feeling motivated to get back out there. I have filled out a few profiles on a few dating sites but not getting much traffic. I'm not actively looking for love.. I just want it to fall from the sky and into my arms.. is that to much to ask for.