Wednesday, July 31, 2013


I came across this article today and it really resonated with me.

The article is about a woman who was a nurse at a facility where people went to die. She would take care of those folks who had about 3 months to live, she would listen to them, talk with them and she even wrote a book about the experience.

I would say the past three years or so I have really changed my outlook on life.  It's no longer about how much money I can make or what I can buy, it's how I'm living my life, it's spending time with people who are the most important to me. It's wanting to see more of the world, wanting to do more then just simply live the average life. I don't want to have any regrets when it's my time to leave this world.

Here are the top 5 regrets people had before they died.

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was a big deal for me as I lived my life up to age 27 pretending/trying to be a "straight guy". I was living a lie and though I had a decent 27 years I wasn't living the life that I was born to live. It's hard to explain the feeling of coming out and no longer feeling the shame of hiding ones true self. It's a feeling that I never felt before and one that I will probably never feel again. I have continued to try and live life the way I want to live it... for me and not for others.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Again this was a big one for me... as I mentioned earlier up to about age 40, work and making money were my high goals in life. I've always wanted a family.. but being a gay man and having a partner who didn't want kids, those goals were not a priority. I use to think that you can't really live life if you don't have money. And that might be true to an extent, but their are limits of what money can buy. I haven't been happy working in the Entertainment industry since turning 40. Yes you can make some good money but along with that is a huge amount of stress, and as I get older I realize that my body can't handle that kind of stress. It's time for a change.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

This is something that I need to work on with my family.. I can tell my mom I love her and give her a hug, I hug my aunts, cousins, niece and nephew but for some reason when it comes to my Dad, Brother and Sister-in-law I don't hug or say I love you to them often enough, and those are the family members I see the most. I guess it's because my dad isn't a very affectionate person, he's never said I love you to me, he's written it in a card here and there over the years. Of course I know and they know we love each other but that's something that I need work on.

When it comes to friends I have no problem hugging my hello's and goodbyes and to my best friends I tell them I love them all the time (maybe even to much). I actually try and tell them every time I see them as you really don't know when it will be your last. Gotta keep that in mind when visiting my family.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

This is a big regret of mine, because I worked so much, my older friendship suffered for it. I tell myself that if we were good friends then we would have kept in touch, but that's not true.. I feel like I have lost many good friends over the years. I am "Facebook" friends with quite a few of them now, but it really isn't the same as seeing them all the time. Why I think some of my friendships don't last...  I feel like I give 80% and they give 20%. I initiate everything.. I call, I text, I plan the meet up, I drive to see them but after awhile you get tired of always being the one initiating and it's frustrating, friendship is a two way street and should be a 50/50 give and take. Of course I understand that life can get busy and time is very important to everyone but if a friendship is worth it then you make the time and effort. At least that's how I see things. I currently have some of the best friends I've had my entire life and I know that some of them will be my friends until the day I die (and thankfully most are younger then me so I will be dying first :). These friends have staying power... but then again that's what I thought with some of my "older" friendship.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I don't know if I get this regret.. here's what she had to say about it. "This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to them selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

I'm a fairly happy person, and many of my friends would say I enjoying living in my "comfort" zone but that is what makes me happy. I know what kinds of food make me happy, I know what kind of TV/Movies makes me happy.. these are all in my comfort zone and they make me happy. So I'm either not understanding this regret or I don't have it.. yay!!

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

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