I've been called a nice guy all my life. When I was younger I was extremely naive and was taken advantage of many times, the worse was buying a car for a friend (cute straight boy I was very smitten with) who started to pay back the "loan" then suddenly disappeared out of my life leaving me several thousands in the hole.
There have been many instances in my life where being nice really hurt me, luckily none of them as costly as the one above, but still there are only so many times you can get taken advantage of before you start questioning your choices in life. I do learn from my mistake but cute straight boys seem to be my weakness back then. I was in the closet and so desperate for a little attention that I'd do anything for them knowing that I was going to get hurt in the end.
As I get older and wiser I am less naive, at least I like to think so. But at the end of the day I'm still a nice guy..
So my question is; Can you be too "nice"? Do nice guys always finish last, if so why??
I will always be a nice guy and I'm sure I'll get taken advantage of from time to time, and if I'm destine to finish last at least I'll be happy with they way I lived my life.
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI do believe it is possible to be too much of a nice guy. There's a fine line between being a nice guy and a pushover. But, I've seen you to be the kind of guy who stands his ground. I think when they say "nice guys finish last" they are referring to people who don't stand up for themselves, or base their self esteem on the approval of others. I see you doing neither of those things so you are good!
Whenever someone asks me for a favor, I ask myself "what effect will this have on me? what effect will this have on people I care about?" ..then I do something -- where before I'd just say sure.
You can be a nice, giving and generous person without being a patsy and being taken advantage of. Hope for the best in people, but plan/account for the worst. Its less about nice/mean and more about control. You can be nice, but still in control of a business, or personal, relationship.
ReplyDeleteSome people think I am a jerk, but those who know me feel I am generous and kind. Everyone gets one chance, and until they violate that, I am the nicest guy in the world. But once that bridge is burnt, its burnt. I don't have enough to reward the bridge burners and the givers in this world at the same time.
I think a lot of the problem is in how people define "nice" if by nice you mean someone who is kind, generous, unsuspecting and maybe a little naive then unfortunately they are likely to be taken advantage of. Which is really a sad comment on our culture today as the world needs more people like this as they are the ones that really help to build community spirit and bring a group of people together.
ReplyDeleteEven though I have only had limited contact with you I would say indeed that you are a nice person as in most of the things I've seen you write there is a sense of inclusiveness which is so important in creating a sense of community and that is no small gift. I think it is great that despite what you have endured you remain committed to being who you are. And that while trying to be more careful about letting yourself being taken advantage of you haven't let it cause you to become callous.
I think you can't be too nice.. But you must be selective who you are nice to.
ReplyDeleteIf you're nice to other nice people, they will be nice to you, and don't screw you over. Nice + nice = 2x Nice :)
If you are nice to people who are gigantic jerks, then the jerk gets rewarded while the nice guy gets punished. That's extremely unfair and moronic.
So the best thing (IMO) is to be nice to nice people, and try to ignore the jerks. This of course means you must be able to tell jerks from nice people, which is another topic of discussion :)