Monday, May 28, 2012

An Outsider on the Inside

I've always been an outsider and never really part of any group. Not to say I don't get along with everyone. In high school I could mingle with the jocks or the tough crowd or nerds but I wasn't part of any of their cliques. As I got older I would become part of a group but only be on the fringe of that group so if I wasn't around they wouldn't think of me when they did things together.

It's how it's been for my entire life. Well that all changed a year ago when I meet a group of people volunteering to be extras for The Guild season five. Within the 150 extras a small group of us, about 6 or so really hit it off. One of those people was Chris, whom I now consider one of my best friends. When the filming was over and we all parted ways, several of these friends live pretty far away and in order to see them I created this movie marathon day. I would have these folks who came from a long distance, stay a weekend and we would watch a certain group of movies. It started with Indiana Jones and grew from there. I didn't intend for these to be a regular thing or for them to even be an entire weekend. But since folks came from so far away it didn't make sense to have them drive down for one day (some of their commutes was up to 6 hours) so instead those few, who came long distances, would just crash at my place and leave in the morning. Well that lead to everyone staying over and instead of leaving in the morning we planned events like watching more movies and hiking on Sundays and thus the current movie marathon weekend was born.
Why am I telling you this story.. because I went from being an outsider to all the groups that I associated with to being the center of this group (The Geek Mob), the person in charge, the one that, if without, this group would not exist. It's a strange feeling not only being inside the inner circle but to actually be the "leader" of the inner circle. I've never had this and it's harder then it looks from an "outsiders" view. Our small group of friends grew as the movie marathons continued. I would invite other friends who were not part of the guild of extras as well as other guild extras that I really didn't know but seemed nice. Soon our group of 6 or so, grew to over 35.

There were now layers to this group. You have the inner circle, those are friends who became some of the most important people in my life. Then you have the layer just outside the inner circle, I like to call it the outer inner circle, these are close friends who's friendship I cherish. And finally the outer circle (which is normally where I am), these are those friends who you enjoy hanging out with but don't see outside these events.

It's strange because after being an outsider for so long I now understand these layers and why they exist. No one likes to be on the outside looking in. No one likes to not feel like they are part of the group. But it's impossible to have everyone in the inner circle. Sometimes it's personalities, those who I consider inside my inner circle have very similar personalities to me, we like the same things, we have the same temperament and just click. It's tough because I know what it's like on the outside and wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone.

But there are levels to friendships, you have best friends, close friends, friends and acquaintances. Those are similar to the circles of our group. Not everyone can be my best friend.

I never thought in a million years that I would be the starting point of a group, but it's happened and I couldn't ask for a better group of friends.


  1. I'm jealous. It looks like you guys have an awesome time during these marathon weekends! :)

  2. Your story GMH. Thanks for sharing!

  3. I felt the same growing up, friendly with all types of people but it wasn't until becoming an adult and really finding a group of people who love the same fandoms that I do.
    I hope to join you on one of your movie weekends!

    :-) Alycia C

  4. It's a bit odd to find yourself at the center of a loving, friendly, accepting group when you've never been there before, and to try to balance not spreading yourself too thin. At the same time, you don't want to hurt people's feelings or send any kind of rejection message, because it so clearly has been done to you; sometimes repeatedly enough to make you completely gun-shy of making friends at all. So to all of a sudden find yourself at the center is a mixed blessing. Personally , I believe people will continue to enjoy your company, as much as you feel you can allow, without completely wearing you (or your house for that matter) out. <3 Opus4me