Thursday, June 7, 2012
Life is Funny
The past few days I've been feeling blah, no job, no money, no partner and after having to ask for financial help (see my last blog) I've haven't been feeling so well. I don't know if my depression is the cause of it but I haven't been physically feeling well either... so much so that I've only worked out two days this week. It kind of a catch 22, I don't feel well so I don't workout, and because I don't work out I get upset with myself which contributes to my depression which in turns makes me sick... it's vicious cycle.
Not really sure what's going on with me... just feeling low the past few days. Missing friends, feeling extremely lonely (meaning companionship, not friendship). I have some of the best friends in the world who care for me very much but I don't have that special someone who will share the remainder of my life with. Going through tough times is always easier when you have someone you love by your side. I have no one, I'm completely alone in dealing with my problems.
I was complaining about being lonely to my buddy Sebastian and he asked me "Well are you doing anything about it?" And you know what... I'm not, I'm not on any dating sites, I don't go out to bars or clubs so I don't know what I expect if I don't put a little effort into it. I am extremely lonely but do not feel motivated to start dating again. It's been over a year since Harry and I broke up and ten months since he left for Austria and though I am lonely I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship. If I'm honest with myself I just need someone to "play around" with.. kind of like a F*ck Buddy. Just someone to have fun with, not commitment, just someone to enjoy ones company with. Unfortunately for me most of my male friends are straight and the ones that aren't are in relationships.
Aw well I hope I can snap out of this funk soon.. I don't like being in it and I have so much stuff to do while I'm not working.. I feel like I've wasted months of free time to get some of my projects done. Wish me luck!!