As long as I can remember I have wanted to be a Dad. And as the years went by and I struggled with my sexuality that hope never died. When I finally came out of the closet at 27 I realized that having a child just got a bit more difficult. I know there is adoption, as there are a ton of kids who need a good home and I would do that in a heartbeat but for my first kid I've always wanted a biological child.
As a gay man, to have a biological child can be done but it takes patience and more importantly money. I've never been a rich man. I struggled in my 20's, was comfortable in my 30's and back to struggling in my 40's. Another factor was my long term partner Harry. When we first got together we both talked about having kids, but as the years went by and our battle with immigration issues continued, we never pursued anything. I guess that's a good thing as after eight years the relationship ended.
Now I'm 41 years old (almost 42) with no prospect of a partner. I've come to ask myself... am I done, is it too late for me to be a father. Part of me thinks... yes... it's too late. I want to travel and enjoy the latter part of my life. But then another part of me, the part that's longs to be called Daddy, still holds out hope that one day my dreams of fatherhood will become reality.
I guess all I can do is wait and see what the fates have in store for me.
*hug* I'm 42 (almost 43) and I have had the opportunity to be a mom through natural means, but I knew it was better to have a partner throughout the process. Adoption might have been and still could be an option, but knowing myself pretty well, I don't think I could be a truly ~good~ mother to a child. It's hard enough with a cat and a puppy!
ReplyDeleteI just keep on truckin' through life, and do the best for myself as I can.
Lots of love, 40s-brother!
Thanks Aleara.. yeah that's the tough part not having someone to do this with, but honestly I'm to the point where I don't care. I know I can do this alone if needed.
DeleteYou can always have someone surrogate for you. Not everyone does things for money. If being a father is what you desire, you should sincerely explore this option.
ReplyDeleteThanks for you comments.. yeah I know there are lovely ladies who would help me out but again it's not just paying for the process but the cost of raising a child.. especially alone.
DeleteI think it's not too late for you to be a Dad. People are holding off on having children later in life. And there's no saying you can't travel. Just imagine all the nerdy sights you can take the little one to!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Peggy and I agree it's never too late... oh you know my kid would be the Prince of Geeks :)
DeletePrince or Princess ;) I think the important thing for you right now to figure out if you have the support network to help you in raising a future baby/child (friends/family). Just because you'd be a potential single parent doesn't mean you have to do it all alone
DeleteI truthfully am torn so much between having my own children someday and adopting. Adoption is something I'm a big believer in and want so desperately to do. One might say do both but I know raising your own child alongside an adopted one can present its own challenges, especially to the children. The fact that we are people who would think about this though, so much, confirms that we SHOULD be parents. No 16 and pregnant here. Rational, sane adults who really understand what it means to commit to this. I hope you do end up a Daddy someday because the weight you attach to this just means you'll be amazing at it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your very kind comments. Like I mentioned I've wanted to be a father as long as I can remember. I know what it takes and am prepared for it. I've even considered adopting those children that no one wants (disabled or near adulthood) just so they can have some place to call home.
DeleteYour being a father could only make the world a better place.
ReplyDeleteIt is never too late to love a child. Hubby and I also desperately want to be parents and are looking into it. The other piece is that if you wait till you can afford it, you might never do it. Children with special needs that are adopted through government agencies often come with a stipend for monthly expenses and they also cover the child medically until they turn 21.As we find out more I will share what I find with you, if you are interested.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you are concerned about being ready means you understand the seriousness of fatherhood. And the fact that you'd be willing to adopt children in need so they could find a home speaks to your character. Figure out your life first, be happy with that, then see where you are later on down the road. But I have no doubt that you'd be a wonderful, loving, and GOOD father, Kenny.
ReplyDelete