Friday, August 3, 2012
Will I Ever Be A Daddy?
As long as I can remember I have wanted to be a Dad. And as the years went by and I struggled with my sexuality that hope never died. When I finally came out of the closet at 27 I realized that having a child just got a bit more difficult. I know there is adoption, as there are a ton of kids who need a good home and I would do that in a heartbeat but for my first kid I've always wanted a biological child.
As a gay man, to have a biological child can be done but it takes patience and more importantly money. I've never been a rich man. I struggled in my 20's, was comfortable in my 30's and back to struggling in my 40's. Another factor was my long term partner Harry. When we first got together we both talked about having kids, but as the years went by and our battle with immigration issues continued, we never pursued anything. I guess that's a good thing as after eight years the relationship ended.
Now I'm 41 years old (almost 42) with no prospect of a partner. I've come to ask myself... am I done, is it too late for me to be a father. Part of me thinks... yes... it's too late. I want to travel and enjoy the latter part of my life. But then another part of me, the part that's longs to be called Daddy, still holds out hope that one day my dreams of fatherhood will become reality.
I guess all I can do is wait and see what the fates have in store for me.