Thursday, December 16, 2010

Gay = Bad?

Sorry guys this blog is going to be a bit of a rant. These two topic have been bothering me for a while and recently experience both of them again.. which leads me to blogging about it.

First.. "That's so Gay!!" or "That sounds Gay!!" the word Gay in that statement normally means stupid, ugly, weak, or some other derogatory thing. I hear kids say it all the time and even some of my friends have said it to my face.. of course I call them out and ask why they would say something like that and most times they say that they don't even think about it.. it's just a saying. I'm sure most people who do say it mean no ill will to the "gay" community, but it still doesn't make it right. When did Gay start to mean something derogatory? They use to say "Gay" back in the early years and it meant joyful or fun.. "A Gay Ol' time". People need to start thinking about what they say.. I understand that words are just words but you have to understand that when people compare who you are (gay) to being ugly, stupid, weak over and over again it can hurt. It's a form of hate and one that is prevalent in our society.

Second .. "oh but I'm not Gay.."  people say it like being gay is a bad thing.. an example from today I saw a posting of a picture of this guy and a male friend with their arms over each other shoulder.. the caption said.. "My Best Mate.. I love him.. but not like that.. I'm not gay".  It's like he purposely wrote that to make sure everyone knew he wasn't gay.. just because he said he loved his best mate and was showing affection to him. I see and hear this time and time again. I'll be having a conversation with someone and make sure they finish off with..."but I'm not gay". I always ask them why they would say such a thing. Is it that big of a deal if you were gay or if people think you are gay? They make it sound as if being gay is a bad thing and they want to make sure everyone knows that they aren't this "bad" thing... I just don't get it... when did "Gay" get such a negative connotation in our society??

Sorry for the rant.. these things have been bothering me and I'm trying to get better and blogging about these things and not keep them bottled up. Thanks for reading.


  1. WHEN did it get a negative connotation? When has it NOT? Sorry hun, I hate it too, but gay continues to have negative meanings that it's only slowly improving from. Unfortunately progress is slow...just like some people out there.

  2. Buddy, I sadly have to agree with Sari, at least on the latter "rant".
    I think I said "You're so Gay" twice before a friend called me out much the same way you would've. I realized in joking around with another guy in the "Macho Guy" way of questioning one's manhood I was perpetuating a stereotype that you couldn't be gay and masculine. I haven't done it since.

    But for the last part I'd like to point out that it shows how amazing your journey has been since before you came out to now having a home, a husband, and your sweet child of a pooch. You had a vested interest in embracing gay as a positive. It should be a neutral, who CARES who each of us is sleeping or not sleeping with?! And VERY unfortunately there are a LOT more people in our society who think of it as neither of those, but as a huge negative. When we were in high school the worse thing you could be was "gay". And a lot of that kind of thinking is base and doesn't get challenged until one has more exposure, interaction, and experience with those more open minded. We are fortunate living in a big city, even if you don't want to interact with people you can't help to.
    Sadly, we're ahead of the curve my friend, waiting for the rest of the world, or more importantly our country, to catch up.

  3. Kenny,

    Unfortunately a lot of people are not comfortable with their own sexuality. People don't like to talk about the fact that there are shades of gray in their own feelings and desires. I know from personal experience and growth. My biological father came out when I was a teenager and it threw me. He passed away in 1995 and I never really got to know him. He was just was not around, since I was 2 years old because of divorce from my Mom. Anyway...For a long while now, I call people out when they use "gay" as a negative. I will keep trying to make a positive change. Keep blogging, podcasting and being an awesome!! :)

  4. I really hate the statement that something is Gay. It makes no sense, unless you are ACTUALLY talking about something that is gay in a literal sense, which I've never witnessed.

    I think the vast majority of the people who use the word gay in that way doesn't do it out of malice, or actually even consider the original meaning(s) of the word. It has just somehow unfortunately taken on this new pejorative meaning for young people during the last 20 years.

  5. Thanks @Sari @Chris Q @Aaron & @Erlend Aakre for your comments.

    I agree @sari that Gay has always been used negatively but it seems like in the past 5 years it's gotten worse.

  6. I agree with you but I do think that that being gay is actually far more accepted and positive than it has been for probably 2 thousand years (at least in Western culture). We have a lot of media portraying gay relationships which was completely taboo or fringe until the last few decades, gay pride parades in almost every city, and tons of progress towards anti-discrimination and same-sex partner policies in the workplace. So on the one hand, there is an increase in the terms "That's gay" and "But I'm not gay" but I think things are moving in the right direction and hopefully we're just a few baby steps away from the shift in thinking which will change those. Remember too that people still get murdered for being gay, not as much as before but it's still an incredible act of courage to be openly gay and not everyone has the same comfort level with their sexuality that you've thankfully found. Hopefully blogs like this will inspire a change in someone!