3 Years...

Wow.. I just realized that it's been 3 year since Harry and I broke up.. the date just flew by... January 12th.

I can't believe it's been three years.. part of me thinks it feels like yesterday and the other part feels like it's been forever. Of course this break up was hard on me. We spent almost 8 years together. This was my one and only long term relationship. This was the guy I was going to grow old with. When you're with someone for that long you grow accustom to seeing them everyday, spending time with them 24/7 and then suddenly they're gone. It's as though a part of you has been removed. It takes time to adjust and learn to live without that part but in time you stop missing it and life moves on.

Since the break up I have only gone on one lunch date and that lead no where. I have had two sexual encounters (via craigslist) and they were more like heavy petting but I'm not that type of person to just sleep with someone just to sleep with them. There has to be meaning behind it. And these two experiences proved that to me.

I really don't miss the sex that much, but what I do miss is the companionship. Yes I have friends and some of them are extremely close to me but it's not the same. There is this intimacy that you have with your partner that you don't have with anyone else. A love you share that goes beyond friendship or family.

One big thing I miss about having a partner is cuddling, I'm a very tactile kind of person. I hug when I greet hello and say goodbye to friends. You can tell alot from a hug, I have some friends, when they hug, you can feel the love in their embrace and then there are others who feel as though they are just hugging out of courtesy... and I don't think any less of them as some people don't like to hug. But for me human touch is extremely important and I'm not talking about it in a sexual way. I'm talking about two people connecting with touch, there's an energy there that flows between them. I think I miss that the most.

Will I find my mister right, the man who will sweep me off my feet and spend our remaining years together.. I hope so. If you'd have asked me that question a month ago I would have said it's doubtful but recently a spark has reignited what I had thought was gone forever.... HOPE!!!