Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Am I Ashamed of Being Gay?
Example... when I wear this t-shirt (in photo). It states that Some Dudes Marry Dudes, Get Over It. Now I guess the person wearing this doesn't necessarily need to be gay, they could be a support of LGBT community. But when I wear this shirt I make sure I wear it in appropriate places and I hate that I think like that. When I put this shirt on today I thought to myself. Okay I'm bringing lunch to work so I won't have to go outside for any reason, I'll just remain in my office all day.. yeah it's okay to wear it then. When I'm at work and I leave my office to go to the bathroom (which is down the hall from the our offices) and there are other people walking in the opposite direction I tend to turn my body or fold my arms over the chest so you can't really read the words on the shirt. It's stupid and I hate that I do that but for whatever reason I do.
I don't know if it's because I don't want to make the other person uncomfortable, or the fact that I don't like conflict and this is a way to avoid it, or maybe I care what this complete stranger thinks about me (which is totally stupid). But I think the main reason has to do with fear.. I been called faggot a few times, given the evil eye and threatened with bodily harm. It's hard to predict how a person (a complete stranger) will react when they find out your gay... in a worse case scenario you are beaten to a pulp, strapped to a fence and left for dead.
I know the feeling is irrational and luckily I don't feel that way 95% of the time but I guess it's just part of being a gay man in a world where 50% of the people hate you, 25% tolerate you and only 25% accept you for who you are.